Life could be quite lonely, couldn't it?
by BlueBoxInLondon
Summary: "They used her to get to him, to weaken him, because now they might finally stand a chance against him. Finally, after all this time, Lord Sesshomaru had a weakness." / just an insight into Sesshomaru's mind and what he feels about the impact Rin has made on his life!


_Hey! After having binge-watched InuYasha, I just HAD to write this short little insight into Sesshomaru's mind! Gotta love that smooth Dog Demon! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought, it'd mean the world to me! :)_

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 **Life could be quite lonely, couldn't it?**

What was that?

That nagging feeling deep inside of him, barely there, merely a flicker of something.

Most people probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all but after all, he wasn't most people, was he?

No, Lord Sesshomaru, definitely was not like _most_ _people_. In fact, he wasn't even human. He was a _Daiyōkai_ , one of the most feared dog demons and son of the Great Dog Demon Inu no Taishō. Nothing ever seemed to faze him, let alone scare him.

Which was why that feeling was so weird. It confused the Great Dog Demon. This odd feeling in the centre of his body.

He noticed that it wasn't there constantly. It appeared to become stronger each time, though. He didn't know what it was; at first he thought nothing of it and discarded it quite nonchalantly – but with it getting stronger ever day he could not ignore it any longer.

Sesshomaru wasn't naive though, so he had it all figured it out eminently fast. What he couldn't quite grasp, however, was why? Why would he feel such things? And towards a human of all things?

It was a weakness, he knew that.

Caring for someone other than oneself did not have any advantages; at least not for someone who chose to live like he did.

He had a pressure point now, something that his enemies could use against him.

All because of her, because he, Lord Sesshomaru, made the mistake of letting a human get to him.

He pretended not to care, tried his best to convince his enemies (and possibly also himself?) that this child meant nothing to him, that he could not care less about what happened to her – but he failed.

He wasn't one to fail, in fact he almost never failed at anything – it just wasn't in his nature. Jaken might even go so far as to say that he was _unable_ to fail at anything, _ever_. If he wanted something, he would usually get it; one way or another.

But then again, nor was he supposed to care for a human, was he? That certainly wasn't in his nature either.

When did it happen, he asked himself. How did it happen?

At night, when Jaken and Rin were both asleep, Sesshomaru sat, leaning against the tree, pondering and asking himself the same questions over and over again.

How could it be that after so much time, so many centuries, of only caring about himself, no _tedious_ feelings to slow him down or weaken him, this human girl managed to sneak her way into his life? (maybe even his heart?).

She wasn't even anything special.

Just another one of those despicable humans, who were so very beneath him and whose life seemed so very little and meaningless to the Great Lord Sesshomaru.

So why did he feel the need to protect her?

Why did he feel uncomfortable thinking about how short her life was going to be in comparison to his?

Why did it matter to him, when he shouldn't care less about what happened to humans?

He hated it. He hated that this affection inside of him made him weak, he hated the fact that something he'd hated so much, something that was so completely against his principles, managed to make such a powerful impact on his life.

It wasn't supposed to be this way! He wasn't supposed to associate with humans, let alone _care_ for them! It was wrong!

He was a _Daiyōkai , _a very strong and reputable one at that. People were afraid of him, they tended to avoid him in fear of angering him.

He was known to have no mercy, to be free of responsibilities and expectations.

That was how he liked it. He had a reputation – no pressure points or weak spots to exploit. Everyone that wanted something from him had to fight him fair and square, no foul tricks or playing dirty.

But they, his enemies, noticed it, too. The little human girl that followed him around.

And even though some of his enemies weren't the brightest, it wasn't hard to figure out: a _human_ following Lord Sesshomaru around willingly?

They didn't hesitate, they _jumped_ at the chance of finally having found Lord Sesshomaru's weak point. They used her to get to him, to weaken him, because now they might _finally_ stand a chance against him.

Finally, after all this time, Lord Sesshomaru had a weakness.

Sometimes he wondered why Rin continued to stay with him, considering the fact that she was constantly being used as leverage, always having to fear for her life.

Of course, Sesshomaru always succeeded in saving her, nevertheless, there was always the tiniest bit of concern and fear, the inevitable and so very _human_ fear of death.

But she always stayed. She seemed to cope with it quite well, he thought.

For a human, she was quite strong. Not physically of course, but mentally. It intrigued him.

Of all the humans he came across upon his journeys he has not met many that had so much resilience and fire in them like Rin did.

Maybe that was why he cared? Because she was different? Because he found it strange and unusual?

Nonetheless, she was only a human; even if her unusual character and the fact that he found it intriguing were the reason he kept her around, it should not be a reason. It shouldn't even bother him in the slightest – because why should it it matter to _him_?

After _countless_ nights of thinking and pondering he still hadn't found an answer.

It didn't benefit him in the slightest, taking her with him. Neither did it her any good, seeing how often she had to fear for her life around him.

But still, however much his common sense and reason told him that it was wrong, he just couldn't seem to shake it off.

The only thing he was sure about was that he cared. He, Lord Sesshomaru, came to care about a little _human_ girl.

It angered him; but with every day and every night that passed, his anger subsided a little bit more and gave way for something else.

Maybe that was what life was about after all? Maybe it was about having somebody to protect, someone to _care_ for; even if that meant having a weak spot?

And maybe, just maybe, Sesshomaru didn't mind having come to care for someone other than himself.

When you come to think of it, life could be quite lonely, couldn't it?

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 _Again, please leave me a comment and tell me your thoughts! :)_


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